Tuesday, August 30, 2016

Empty Nest..

Well, the kids are out of the house and on thier own. Its quiet now. Clutter is gone... silence is frequent... stress reduced. I must say, its quite lovely most of the time. Yet, there are moments when the open drawers, messy counters, clothes and blankets strewn about the living room, conversations yelled from floor to floor, and simple morning hugs leave a sad vaccuum of temporal moments. Nah... its fucking awesome! HH =)
Blogging has been a recent estuary for the intellectuals of the world. A safe place to ascribe thoughts and whimsy. Many of my fellow bloggers have faded into chalk dust. Yet... Today it feels like a day to post. Today is a day to allow the intensity of reality flood through, and unbridle the binded colt biting for the bit of freedom. Life is... err... complicated. It has never lead where the path appeared to go in the distance (no matter how clear the vision appeared to be). Hope has always been a St. Elmo's fire in my life. Nothing has been as dreamt or wanted. Thus, peace has never been found, and harmony a lost hope. What is left? What is there to long for? What is it that drives us on? I have no idea. Ironically... I am supposed to have "an idea." It's what I was trained for. What my graduate days of intense study were for... What my clients come to me for. I have nothing but a jot and tittle of axioms that have offered me moments of clam reflection and docile solace. I feel like a fraud. There are questions that others are not ready to ask. I have asked them. There are answers which provide no peace or joy. I am fine with this. There are concepts not yet even discovered by our most advanced scientific minds. This provides an umbrella in the rainstorm of daily existence. Tossed and hit by the tumult of chaotic empirical entropy. To be blunt... life sucks. If were not for my amazing wife, and adorable puppy existence would be "unsatisfying." Now.. I am not going to walk into a lake. Nor, am i sticking my head in a gas oven. But I posture here a cynic. One who believes this is all a cosmic joke. One who has learned the rules that are real... followed them... and sees the pointlessness in it all. Life is a serendipitous wasteland. We are marionettes whose strings are pulled by other marrionettes who's strings are, in turn, pulled by capricious puppeteers who rarely dawdle in their craft. Universal acid (as Dennett writes) pours over all life, over time, and allows only those who are basic to survive (no matter how minimally). Emptiness... Pointlessness... obscurity... abjuration. These are the motives that draw me to blog today. The need to spew against a wall and see a pattern upon it. Superstition and adventitiousness? This may have helped. My stressors are also stressed themselves. Or... perhaps a simple nap? HH =)